looking back...looking ahead

While I am so excited to be starting on a new adventure towards nursing school, I am feeling so wistful these days about not having my own classroom this year.  If all works out as planned (fingers crossed!), I will be back at HSES working with first graders and helping them to become stronger readers; however, I know it will be different.  My gut tells me it'll be a good different, but still, I'm starting to get that "back to school" excitement and am left a little sad that I don't have my own classroom to decorate and get ready for the new little ones.  I'll miss the staff meetings (I really will!), the sharing of ideas and the enthusiasm that is the beginning of the school year.  While I'll miss this pre-school week, I know I'll have my own little party when I start back in September in my new role, see my old students, see the great staff and meet my new little precious (if I wish it, it'll be true...right :) ) students.

Starting something new can be difficult and trying yet charged with excitement and happiness.  Such a crazy combination of feelings.  As I pour over my anatomy & physiology textbooks for hours as I get ready for test after test, I do feel like it's right where I'm supposed to be. It just seems right in every way.  Plus, I can now continue to read all those medical non-fiction books that I love to read without any reservation :)  Odd, yes...but I love Atul Gawande and his writing! Even still, I can't help but drift back to those last few weeks of school and smile.  My kids last year were tough and made me a stronger and better teacher.  I had no choice.  It was either learn new ways or be pushed into a spineless puddle.  They taught me a lot about myself and what it means to work harder than I ever thought possible.

In our little room in the corner, we had a fantastic last few weeks of school.  The kids were happy, we had a fun time being silly, and they did a marvelous job in reading groups (which honestly made the day seem so smooth and lovely).  We got into our rhythm and routine...and it was June.  I never thought we'd get there, to that place of a smooth and fun classroom, but we did.  Even though it was June, we were there.  The memories of the hard times aren't the ones that I remember.  It's the little smiles, the tight hugs and the tears that last day.  I do love teaching and every single child I have ever taught will always hold a special place in my heart.

I am going to nursing school not because I want to leave teaching behind but because my head and heart tells me I have to go with this gentle push I've felt for so long.  I want to enter the medical field and see what it is that I envy and what it is that I've wanted to be a part of.  Who knows, maybe one day, teaching will become a part of my nursing career.  I can definitely see that happening and I see it being such a perfect fit.

For now, I am beyond grateful that I will be able to be back to see my students, now 3rd graders, give them hugs and shower them with love and support.  I won't have my own classroom this year, but will be able to help a whole new group of 1st graders, and will still be able to pursue this new dream.

It's a great feeling to be so thankful for the past and so excited for the future...